Trust and waiting...

Sometimes I'm struck with sadness that I'm not going to Africa this year. Most of the time I'm fine knowing I'm only waiting another year, but then sadness will come over me at the most inconvenient time....like at work or in the car. Right now, I'm sitting on the back porch on a beautiful morning with an incredible view of the valley finishing up quiet time, but really I long to be sitting with my friend Michelle in her little house, smelling the kibera smells and listening to all the people and matatus outside on the busy road. Or sitting in an orphanage in Swazilnd....something like that. On really hot days, if I close my eyes, it almost feels like I am there...minus the smell which I don't miss as much. : )

Another missionary that is on medical furlow for a while is frustrated in similar ways. Hers is different given that she has lived in Nigeria for years and is home in Texas by necessity and has no idea when she will get to go back. I'm really sad for her becuase I have a very tiny taste of what she feels. Recently, she read a book I read in Kenya that I had completly forgotten about called "Hinds Feet on High Places". She wrote about it in her blog and I thought it was a perfectly divine reminder for me as well:

It is an allegory about a character 'Much Afraid' who has two traveling companions 'Sorrow' and 'Suffering'. They are on a journey to get to the High Places, where the Shepherd lives and promises joy and freedom. They face many obstacles, including traveling through a desert, with the High Places out of sight.

When they reach the desert, Much Afraid cries out to the Shepherd, "You really mean that I am to follow that path down and down into that wilderness and then over that desert, away from the mountains indefinitely? Why ( and there was a sob of anguish in her voice ) it may be months, even years before that path leads me back to the mountains again. O Shepherd, do You mean it is indefinite postponement?'

The Shepherd replied 'It is only postponement for the best to become possible... Do you love Me enough to accept the postponement and the apparent contradiction of the promise and go down there with me into the desert?'

He was leading her away from her heart's desire altogether and gave no promise at all as to when He would bring her back.

Much Afraid replied with tears and trembling, "Even if You cannot tell me why it has to be, I will go with You, for You know that I do love You, and You have the right to choose for me anything that You please." pgs 109,110

I'm reminded of the importance of trust. God knows both what I desire and where I'm actually headed. More than I long for Africa, I long to not get in the way of that.